p:: a blog

New site is up: http://www.dwells.us/
I’ll be posting on that site from now on.

“I discovered later, and I’m still discovering right up to this moment, that is it only by living completely in this world that one learns to have faith. By this-worldliness I mean living unreservedly in life’s duties, problems, successes and failures, experiences and perplexities. In so doing we throw ourselves completely into the arms of God, taking seriously, not our own sufferings, but those of God in the world. That, I think, is faith.”
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I recently discovered myself of being passive. It’s my good intention that I would not want to jump ahead of God, but without a proper balance between waiting on God and working for God, I fall short from running full out for God.
When I start running again, I realize how much joy I have, and I think that alone, will glorify God.

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26 Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air.” – 1 Corinthians 9:24-26

Tonight, The Sil was having a semi-party along with three other groups to celebrate the success of a special issue of our school newspaper, the Silhouette.  I met some interesting people there, that was an unexpected experience.

Jaq left for her trip today.  The house is different.  Even though we are quiet most of the time, but the presence of others changes the atmosphere of the space.  Perhaps it’s us, knowing that someone is here changes us.

It’s getting late, and I’m getting too introspective.  I shall stop here now.

One full day.

I shared in chapel today, in front of all the professors and colleagues.  That was nerve-wracking…initially.  I kept telling Jaq I wished Chapel would go quickly today and my presentation would be over with.  However, as I setup my slides while listening to the worship team sang, I was calmed.  It’s not about me, but this great God who deserves all the glory. His work in Egypt is evidential, His grace and presence in Egypt is undeniable, nothing I say or do can change that.  This realization release me to simply offer my best.  Ironically, my stress was relieved when I realize it’s not about me.  I can step aside and let God be at front.  The presentation went really well; quite a few people came up to me afterwards.  I am just thankful, and feel priviledged to deliever the message.

After Chapel, I had an job interview.  The job is not starting until next year and it’s a position within the McMaster Student Union.  Quite interesting.  I think I did good in the interview, and the rest, I’ll leave it to Him.  Oh, I also had an invitation to consider being a committee next year for MacDiv Student Council.  Sounds like there’d be an election coming up. In that case, I’d be running in an election if I decided to?  Oh, matters that are too great and too high for me…(Psalm 131)

In retrospect, I do realize I am more involved in a lot of things which I have never been before, like intramural league, school newspaper, being an referee…  I am excited, yet trembling.  My prayer is that God is with me in all these.  Success is worse that failure if it’s without God.  And I also pray that these experiences will better equip me for His Kingdom. 

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection
(excerpt from hymn, “How Deep The Father’s Love for Us.”) 

How should I describe today?

It didn’t start so bright.  I rode with Jaq to Sick Kid Hospital this morning to see her little nephew.  He has cancer and they are operating on him today.  When we arrived, he was playing with toys.  He didn’t seem to know or comprehen what was going to happen, but we did.   I saw him riding his little car and disappeared into the room; I saw Brit turned around with tears; I felt a burst of emotions inside even though I was only an outsider.

God’s hand is in it, though.  From the begining up to this point, and I am sure His care will continue.  An hour later I returned to the hospital, the doctors had already done the first part of the surgery, which is to verify the size and location of the tumors.  They came out with good news.  The tumors are small enough that it is viable for local chemotherapy, meaning they wouldn’t need to take the whole organ out as they originally planned.  What’s even better is that he would regain more functions which he doesn’t have now if the chemo is successful.  Praise God; and pray that He will continue to reveal His love and Himself to this family.

After that, I wandered in downtown and took pictures like a tourist – subway, young street, AGO…Oh, I was on a mission, too.  I was trying to take some pictures for a story in the school newspaper.  Whether they would use it or not, I had a lot of fun.

My sister picked me up at the subway station at around 6:30.  We then went home for dinner.  I ate a lot, as usual; got some school work done along with a million other things which I probably should have done.  O well, it’s a full day and it’s good.  Where’s God in all these?  I can’t say for sure other than today’s a gift from Him.  I pray that I truly lived for Him today and glorified Him in all that I do.

 There is no explanation for my tiredness, but the fact is, I am tired.  This morning when I was at church, I just couldn’t stop leaning on things, even when I was sitting down.  I needed to rest my head on the back of the pew in front of me, I couldn’t sit straight and I could hardly stay focus!  Jacqueline was the same, but we both couldn’t escape from our busy schedule for the rest of the day.  ”Today is a day of being stretched.”  She said, and she was right.

2:45pm, I made it to the gym and got ready for my first game being a ref.  3pm, the game started.  3:45pm, the game ended.  It was embarrasing.  Everything about being a ref just goes against my grain.  There’s no time for me to think, no room to be uncertain, and no allowance for lack of confidence.  I was afraid of being wrong, too!  Reality is, by being afraid of making wrong calls means the right ones aren’t made either!  That, perhaps is even more costly.  I reffed 2 other games after that.  Slight improvement were made in the 3rd one.  Still, I wouldn’t want a ref like me to ref my game.

It’s a humbling experience.  As bad as it is, I do hope that I get to ref again.

Friday was my first day of internship at Sophia House.  It was a quiet day, just easing into the environment.  However, I did have some time to talk to Karen, the director of the House.  She shared with me her journey and how she was called to this ministry.  G0d spoke to her in her heart. “But it didn’t start with me,” she added, “it started with the cries of the women.”  God heard their cry and answered them by calling Karen.  Sounds familiar?  This is what God said in Exodus:

Then the Lord said, “I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters. I know their sufferings,  and I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey, to the place of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites.” - Exodus 3:7-8

The result?  God called Moses to bring His people out of Egypt.

Once again, I am reminded that ministry isn’t about ME.  God who makes everything fit together uses us in His masterplan.  We are created to serve – in a specific way which we would love what we do, we would desire to serve Him and His people and we would fulfill the purpose of our lives, but there is someting even greater behind our serving.  Perhaps we feel lost and uncertain, but trust in His guidiance and calling, for He is the great Author of all.  Moreover, pray that our calling doesn’t begin with ourselves, but the cries of His people which He hears and willing to answer.

I’ve been to Tijuana a couple of times with my church in Irvine, California.  It’s not hard to recognize the stark difference within a 15 minutes drive from between the two places.  This picture shows it all:

Moses said to the Lord, “See, you say to me, ‘Bring up this people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. Yet you have said, ‘I know you by name, and you have also found favor in my sight.’ Now therefore, if I have found favor in your sight, please show me now your ways, that I may know you in order to find favor in your sight. Consider too that this nation is your people.” And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” And he said to him, “If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here. For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people? Is it not in your going with us, so that we are distinct, I and your people, from every other people on the face of the earth?” -Exodus 33:12-16

When is our motivation of prayer?  Everyone prays during crisis; we pray for God’s provision and His rescue.  What about on a day to day basis?  Do we seek God’s face as Moses does?

Moses met face to face with God (Exo. 33:7-11), that’s his conviction that God is with him.  It speaks more about his character and passion as he meets God.  When crisis comes up, as in the end of Exodus 32, Moses prays the prayer of crisis to seek God’s hand because he knows that God has always been with him.

Do we only pray prayers of crisis?  Or we pray prayers of conviction?  Do we desire His face?  Or only His hands to do things for us?

This is a reflection of a sermon by Pastor John Mahaffey from West Highland Baptist Church.  Download the whole sermon at livechurch.ca.